您的伴侶已經是父母時的TTC

喬迪·尼科爾森(Jodie Nicholson)

作者:I(v)F的作者Jodie Nicholson!

即使沒有生育問題,TTC也會充滿壓力和情緒。

患有生育問題的TTC絕對是一種情緒過山車。

當您的伴侶已經生完孩子時,患有生育問題的TTC就像是一種折磨人的情緒過山車,曲折曲折,使您的肚子充滿那可怕的結,使您感到噁心。

史蒂夫總是想安慰我,他會說:“寶貝,我們會去的。”“別擔心”

With every one of his well-intended comments, a feeling overcame me of such overwhelming unfairness.在他的每一個善意的評論中,一種無法克服的不公正感使我克服了。 I wanted to scream at him, punch him, slap him, all whilst thinking “Easy for you to say, you already have your baby”.我想向他尖叫,拳打他,打他一巴掌,同時想著“很容易說,您已經有了孩子”。

Could I really resent my husband for already being a parent?我真的可以為已經成為父母的丈夫感到不滿嗎? Was I truly capable of such poisonous envy?我真的有能力受到如此令人嫉妒的嫉妒嗎?

I felt incredibly guilty for begrudging Steve such happiness, the fact he already had what we wanted together made me so jealous and irrational that I couldn't accept the genuine support he tried to offer me.乞求史蒂夫如此幸福令我感到內,他已經擁有了我們想要的東西,這讓我感到嫉妒和不理性,以至於我無法接受他試圖提供給我的真誠支持。 I couldn't believe that he fully understood my pain.我簡直不敢相信他完全理解我的痛苦。 I appreciate he too was TTC, but I felt his needs were not as desperate as mine (as if it was some sort of competition).我很欣賞他也是TTC,但我覺得他的需求沒有我的急切(好像是某種競爭)。 Steve's comfort and support only added to my guilt.史蒂夫的安慰和支持只會增加我的內感。 How could he be so kind to me when I was being so unfair to him?當我對他如此不公平時,他怎麼會對我好呢?

我和史蒂夫的女兒有著令人難以置信的戀愛關係,後者再一次餵養了潛伏在我體內的綠色怪物。

財務方面給我們帶來了沉重負擔,但我從來沒有為此怪史蒂夫。

Our local CCG offers 3 funded rounds of IVF however as Steve was already a parent we were declined funding.我們當地的CCG提供了XNUMX輪IVF資助,但是由於史蒂夫已經是父母,因此我們被拒絕提供資金。 Our CCG seemed to think that being a step-parent twice a week is equivalent to that of a full-time mother, lets also not forget the fact that I've never been pregnant or carried a child, yet my needs are less deserving than that of a women in the same position as me, but the relationship dynamics with our spouses' is what separates our entitlement.我們的CCG似乎認為,每週兩次做繼父母等同於一個全職母親,也不要忘記我從來沒有懷孕或生過一個孩子的事實,但是我的需要不如與我處於同一職位的女性的待遇,但與配偶的關係動態是我們應享權利的區分。

那麼,為什麼我不能擺脫這種怨恨呢?

事實是,我根本不恨史蒂夫,而是我自己。

最初,將史蒂夫(Steve)的父母對我的消極情感疏遠歸咎於他的父母似乎很明顯,但是當我真正想到它時,我討厭的就是我。

我無法提供我們倆都想要的東西,這是我們必須通過自籌資金進行體外受精的原因,我作為一個女人和一個妻子都失敗了。

儘管意識到這一點很痛苦,但我還是非常感激,以至於我沒有故意將毒藥對準史蒂夫,但令我感到欣慰的是,無論我多麼討厭自己,我都無法對別人如此恨。

The understanding also meant I could work towards healing.理解也意味著我可以努力康復。 I needed to learn to accept my infertility and with that, learn to be kinder to myself.我需要學會接受我的不育症,並因此對自己友善。

我必須承認,我仍然沒有完全接受我的不孕症

我仍然覺得自己的身體似乎無法讓我失望,但是我開發了一些工具,可以讓我欣賞自己作為一個人,我的靈魂而不是身體上的缺陷。

現在您可能在想,她為什麼要告訴我們這些事情?

With 1 in 7 couples struggling with fertility, I am certain there will be so many others (men and women) in the same position I was.我相信,每XNUMX對夫婦中就有XNUMX個在生育方面苦苦掙扎,所以我相信會有很多其他人(男人和女人)保持原樣。 Questioning whether what they feel is normal, loathing themselves for what they think is an irrational reaction.質疑自己的感覺是否正常,厭惡自己認為是非理性的反應。

你不是一個人!

對您的伴侶誠實,對自己誠實。

做朱迪的話與你產生共鳴? 給我們打電話,發郵件至mystory@ivfbabble.com,讓我們知道您的感覺。

您可以通過在Instagram @JodieNicholsonAuthor上關注Jodie與她保持聯繫。

您可以從Jodie了解更多信息

 

 

暫時沒有評論

發表評論

您的電子郵件地址將不會被發表。

翻譯»